Random Thoughts for the Day:

[Spinland]

You guys are killing me. Great stuff!

[Gare]

Hey, you ever get so annoyed with someone, you not only tell them to go to Hell, but you also send them a Google map for directions?

I was bored today and asked Google for directions to France.

Look at #23 below.

NY to France.jpg

[Gare]

It takes a college degree to fly an airplane but only a high school diploma to fix one. This should be a small reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Solution: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilot: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.

Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.

Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution: DME volume set to more believable level.

Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what friction locks are for.

Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.
Solution: Suspect you're right.

Pilot: Number 3 engine missing.
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilot: Target radar hums.
Solution: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilot: Mouse in cockpit..
Solution: Cat installed.

Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Solution: Took hammer away from midget.

Seriously (?) Qantas has never had a reported airline accident.

-g-

[Spinland]

Ah, he likes aviation humor. Here's some fun:

WHY I WANT TO BE A PILOT

When I grow up I want to be a pilot because it's a fun job and easy to do. That's why there are so many pilots flying around these days.

Pilots don't need much school. They just have to learn to read numbers so they can read their instruments.

I guess they should be able to read a road map, too.

Pilots should be brave to they won't get scared it it's foggy and they can't see, or if a wing or motor falls off.

Pilots have to have good eyes to see through the clouds, and they can't be afraid of thunder or lightning because they are much closer to them than we are.

The salary pilots make is another thing I like. They make more money than they know what to do with. This is because most people think that flying a plane is dangerous, except pilots don't because they know how easy it is.

I hope I don't get airsick because I get carsick and if I get airsick, I couldn't be a pilot and then I would have to go to work.

— purported to have been written by a fifth grade student at Jefferson School, Beaufort, SC. It was first published in the South Carolina Aviation News.

[Gare]

You got me there, Spinland!

I know your background, and until I got to the bottom credits, I was LMAO, because I thought you were writing it in first-person!

The fifth grader kinda parallels Qantas, doesn't it?

[Gare]

This happened to a friend of mine in Birmingham, Alabama:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?”

To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That's why we ask.”

[Spinland]

If ever there were a sign whose need and purpose were self-evident, this is it:

addb24.jpg

[Welles]

Too funny!

[Gare]

Dumb signs are a consequence of:
1. Dumb people.
2. Lawyers attempting to cash in on the actions of dumb people.

Ben Frankin has been quoted as saying, "Common sense is neither."

It's getting to the point where tap water will come with a warning, "Caution: May contain tap water."

Seriously, I was flabbergasted when plastic bags started popping up with a warning on the bottom. Where's anyone's common sense? How many suicides have we read about for the past 70 years that were committed how?

Not only that, but check out the language we see, below! Vague, laywer-ese, doesn't help anyone. My rewrite is below; as a writer, I love copy editing, just to be on the other end of the food chain once in a while.

-g-

[Spinland]

"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers". - (King Henry the Sixth, Part II, Act IV, Scene II).

[Gare]

My second favorite quote from Billy the Bard.

[Raven Song]

Speaking of dangers...Watch out for cheese!

[Gare]

I see Maya has a new avatar. Or is that a new Avatar?
Hiyìk faketuan, Tsmuke!

Okay, okay, work with me on this one:

One of the Sheiks of Iran had three sons, who shared a birthday.

He asked the first what he wanted for his birthday, and the kid said he wants a train set.
So the Sheik buys him Amtrak.

Second son said he wanted a toy boat. So the Sheik bought him the QE II.

He asked the third son, Chip, what he wanted, and he said, "I want a Mickey Mouse outfit."

So the Sheik buys him AIG.

Hey, how about the Grumpy Old Party? Obama tells the Nation that the government is going to do a spending freeze, and they say, "Good. But that's not enough."

At least Republican Senator Scott Brown looks happy...

Brown.jpg

[Raven Song]

Tslolam, hiyìk faketuan ean eyktan Tsmukan! Those were funny!
I just did a Na'vi coloring job on my photo for the new avatar--it was fun.

[Gare]

Oh, i want to see the whole portrait redone, Maya!

You know, with the ears and the hairy USB cable hanging down.

And you have to replace the owl with a banshee.